“He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.” I love this quote on the wisdom of a father by the great author Clarence Budington Kelland. Our children need fathers with courage and a passion for God to show them how to live a life of faith encompassed around the truth of God’s word.
The significance of a father begins within the first year of a child’s life. A recent Focus on the Family newsletter shared that an infant of 8 months old can begin to identify the differences between their mother and father. Think about it; dad plays differently, talks differently and even has a different smell than mom. This means that dads need to step it up at an early age.
We all know that a child is born with physical DNA. This is evident through their appearance. However, I ask this question; does your child have your spiritual DNA? Does your child have Dad’s Nurturing Affection? This was absent from my life as I was growing up, therefore I had no clue how to show affection to anyone. God, however, changed that when I made him the Lord of my life.
The affectionate dad creates a psychological bond that lasts a lifetime. This affection comes in two varieties, that of a daughter and that of a son. A daughter needs face to face affection, which a dad demonstrates to his little girl with loving expressions such as hugs and kisses. Remember, you are her prince. However, as she gets older, cuddling your not-so-little girl may become awkward. Keep in mind that your daughter will begin to try to figure out men, and you need to be the best example. If a father just stands on the sidelines, a daughter will seek affection from whoever gives her attention.
Unlike a daughter, a son need shoulder to shoulder affection. This means boys build self esteem through contact such as wrestling or some form of physical play. A big bear hug or tossing your son high into the air brings great gain. These activities build confidence and self-worth. Studies show the result of an affectionate dad leads their sons to better test scores and school work than those with dads who show less affection.
So we must father intentionally. I love Ephesians 6:4 from the Message version of the Bible. It says “Father’s don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.” As fathers, we must salt our leadership with grace. We cannot be dictators, for this will only lead to rebellious children.
Fathers should have a clear path in mind to where they are going in order to lead their children. Intentional fathering is like being the commander of a submarine in the middle of the ocean water. You can navigate the sub through the periscope by seeing a vast amount of ocean water. On the other hand, you could rely on a navigator who would plot the course for you to follow. Similarly, if we see through our own eyes, we only see a vast amount of the world. If we see through God’s eyes, however, we can plot a course into heaven.
God intended for the father to be highly involved in the spiritual upbringing of his children. Deuteronomy 6:5-7 says “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. “Our greatest legacy is passing off our faith by teaching biblical truths so our children learn God’s Word. They need to see how God works in the life of their dad, and how God will work in their own lives.
Fathers lead best by example to their kids. Children notice every action and habit we have. If your child has developed an inappropriate habit, the source may your own behavior. The way we model biblical truths to our kids is through the way we affectionately interact with them. For example, if we want to teach about forgiveness, there are many Bible verses to share on the subject. Then, the next time you wrong your children, get down at eye level with them, apologize, and ask for forgiveness. They will see your patience and kindness and then understand God has the same compassion for them.
We want our kids to grow up and have the best marriages possible. Dads need to teach their boys how to love their wives and teach their girls how a man should love them. This is accomplished through the example of how we live out our own marriages. Kids will inherently take all the things they see mom and dad do and apply these to their own marriages. You have to ask yourself, what are we modeling to our kids?
The day will come when we depart from this world to be with God. This will be a time of reflection for our children as they look back at the life of their father. Will they recall seeing you interacting with them through their life? Will they remember seeing you reading your Bible and praying to God? Will their marriages be a reflection of your loving example? Will you have passed on to them your spiritual DNA?